Moving to Wordpress

Follow me at......http://ladyloveandbabydust.wordpress.com/

Blogspot just doesn't work they way I would like it to, and not enough common interest blogs such as mine. So please redirect your attention to my new blog at the above mentioned link. Share with others and continue to follow our journey....it's getting good.

Secret Ingredient....Baby Dust!

Yup, it's that time alright. It's time to buy our baby dust! I'm so excited, nervous and filled with anticipation. After countless hours of debating ethnicity vs. personality vs. education vs. height/weight vs. actual adult photos we found "the one"! 

I spent over an hour and a half chatting with a lady at Fairfax Cryobank this morning finding out who out of our top picks had the best post thaw motility and sperm count. Our guy has 35% motility, which is average, and 10.13 million live sperm per vial....10 is minimum guaranteed per cc, so that's awesome cause a vial is only 0.5cc IUI. Not to mention he has only been active since June this year and already has pregnancies reported!!! Whoop whoop!!

Let's do this shit!

Everything about him intrigued us and both Kate and I had the same immediate good feeling reaction after reading all about him. It helps he has a long line of girls in his family too ;-)  (I may want a girl a bit badly). We need to purchase the baby dust by Wednesday cause he only has two vials left until the rest is released from quarantine and we have those babies on hold only till Wednesday. 

PS thank you to anyone reading who helped contribute money to our future family at our wedding. It's those funds that will be put directly to purchasing our baby dust.

On the ugly end if the spectrum, I have been testing with OPKs for 10 days and still no LH surge. It's CD18 and that's the latest I have ever had a surge in the past, so it makes me nervous I had a mild surge and missed it or am not ovulating this month. Since we plan to inseminate for the first time next month, this month is very important to gather as much information as possible. So...I made an appointment to get a uterine ultrasound tomorrow morning to check for ovulation or large follicles. Hopefully we will catch one or the other so we have something to base next month on. Stressful stuff this baby making business. But my gut is telling me good things so I'm going with it.

Halle-fucking-lujah!

This week has been a blur! On Monday I went to my Acupuncture appointment, got a massage, saw my chiropractor, spent the remainder of the day frolicking around with my wife and window shopping for things we can't afford and ended the day with a neuro-muscular ovary stimulating massage my a good friend of ours. The next day was our RE appointment in San Jose at the fertility clinic. Walking through those doors made me very nervous. I suspected she would emphasize what I had already been told from my OB and them tell us our options and have a few tests ordered for me. That's not what happened at all.

We sat down in her plush corner office and she asked us why we were there and what we wanted out of our visit. We told her we wanted to know why I don't ovulate and how we can get me ovulating naturally but that we wish to get things going asap! She then looked over all my blood tests from the previous months and told me my progesterone looks fine. What? but it under 10 every month! She said that serum levels tend to be much lower than they really are so mine looked fine. That was a pleasant surprise! I had her look over my BBT charts, I have been tracking for 7 months, and she very quickly said "I'm sorry if this sounds terrible, but your cycles are just SO MESSED UP!" I laughed at her honesty and bluntly agreed. She showed me where in each cycle I would have ovulated and then ordered a bunch of tests for me to get on day 3 of my next cycle to make sure thyroid, prolactin and testosterone levels are all where they need to be. At this point we are unsure why my cycles range from 20days-34days.

Then she offered to do an ultrasound to check my uterus, ovaries and follicles. After she checked the ultrasound data from August she concluded that it was a healthy cycle and I most likely ovulated a few days after based on the size of the follicle. I didn't catch what she told me until we were in the ultrasound room. I then asked her to clarify what she meant, and she said that she indeed believes I AM ovulating every month, just not regularly because of my irregular cycle patterns. Kate got so excited she screamed "YES" and threw her hands up in the air! I couldn't believe what she had just told me. All these months I have been so frustrated that my body is not producing enough progesterone and not ovulating all because some OB said so confidently after barely looking at my charts that I "Simply do not ovulate, we could try Clomid?" No bitch your dead wrong, and I don't want your Clomid I want a healthy uterus and eggs that eventually turn into a healthy baby made naturally by yours truly. Thank you very much.

So long story Short....I DO ovulate! Now we are on our way to baby making at it fullest. Researching donors and narrowing down are choices. We already had a few vials of one donor on hold cause he only has 2 left until his other vials are released from quarantine, just in case he's our guy. We both really like him...a lot! He has a very clean family medical history, previous pregnancies, amazing personal essay that was very well written, characteristics look promising and his voice is nice too. We can't get his photos till tomorrow when we get paid and that will help our search process a lot. Also he is in his very early 20's so we are hoping his little swimmers are ripe and ready for the job at hand. There is a possibility that we will have our first IUI next month, as long as my tests come back good and we can solidify a donor choice and purchase as many vials as we can afford to store. Im getting excited but keeping my cool in case it doesn't happen till December. this is the best news we have had outside of getting married in a very long time. I hope my cycles can chill out so we can figure out how to plan an IUI at the right time.

Oh, your probably wondering why we aren't doing this at home like most good lesbians do? lol Since my cycles are so off we can't predict my ovulation like we could if I were regular. So that means that I have to be diligent about my BBT tracking, OPK tracking and lots of ultrasound monitoring to make sure we can get optimal timing. Mot likely we will do the HCG trigger shot a few days prior to insemination as well to up our chances of my luteal phase being long enough to help an embryo stick. My luteal phases are actually around 13-14 days not 7-9 like I had thought based on what the RE told me. The HCG trigger shot s safe and has no side effects other than it making you "feel" pregnant for a few days afterward. But hopefully it wont be a side effect I'm "feeling" after our first IUI. The moral of this story is, get second opinions and don't try to self diagnose yourself like I love to do.

Crossing my fingers and my toes that this next month goes really well and we end up having our first IUI appointment!

Irony's a funny thing

Funny how much one year (or four) can make a difference in your life. Similarly to last year, around this time, I was also unemployed. However, this year I am not depressed nor unemployed with no income. This year I have intentions to better myself with the time I have off, use the UI benefits for savings and medical costs and try to get back to what I love. 

I used to write a lot. I used to go hiking, take walks and go to the ocean cliffs. I used to be social and go to social events, at times all by myself just for the hell of it. I also used to do yoga, regularly. After my Ex passed away from cancer I lost a part of myself. I stopped doing the things I enjoyed. I became very drepressed and antisocial. There were many times I remember thinking that being happy meant I was no longer morning his passing. I know now that's not true.

I started this off talking about one years difference, but really it's four for me. It's taken me four years to realize my depression was catastrophic to my well being. Four years to feel truly happy again. Not that I haven't been happy for four years, just not the kind of "happy" I now feel. The kind of happy that masquerades as contentment. Thank "god" for medicine! Funny how I try to do things the natural way for the most part but Lexapro ends up being my saving grace! Irony at its best I suppose my life is full of irony these days.

This isn't some rant or unthoughtful tangent. I'm just starting to feel so alive and ready to make big changes I haven't felt the courage to do in years. So this being unemployed thing actually, for once, feels like a blessing instead if a curse. I get to go to acupunture, see a chiropractor, get regular massages, take up yoga again, and hopefully get pregnant! That's the main goal but honestly it's so much more than that, it's getting back into balance with life and myself. I'm feeling excited about the future, my future...our future. I'm not religious but spiritual and yet ironically I feel like someone or something is guiding me. I could only hope it's my "guardian angel". 

Needles and Pills....

Today was my first acupuncture appointment. I was a bit nervouse given my slight phobia of needles (but my monthly blood draws are helping with that) and anxious to talk with someone about a natural treatment for my issues. Believe it or not the whole experience was the most relaxed I have felt in a very long time. So relaxed I'm going to do it once a week. 

This very genuine warm hearted man entered the room, looked over my information and said in the most confident and assuring manner, "oh...well this is a very treatable condition, I just did a seminar/conference last weekend concerning infertility and anovulation, we'll take care of this". His very calm yet assertive demeanor is a welcome change from my inner dialogue of self doubt and self consciousness. 

He then laid me on the table belly up and just starting talking about all kinds of things regarding acupuncture, health and people (I think it was as much distraction as informative) then he started placing needles on my head, neck, wrists, and feet. I thought he was merely poking me with them until I saw the one in my wrist and realized they were actually in me. He put a heat lamp on my feet and my upper body then asked me if I was comfortable and said he would be back to check on me.

It was the strangest comfort I've ever felt, so calming I almost felt drugged. I immediately felt a sort of rush of heat and energy just start at my head and end at my feet. As I laid there I kept invisioning my ovaries and my uturus in good health and working the way they should. I almost fell asleep by the time he got back. Who knew needles of all things could be so relaxing!

He sent me off with a bottle if $35 Chinese herbs in which I am to take 3-4 pills 2-3 times daily. Like needles I hate swallowing pills! Since I was a kid I have been terrible at it, and yet, my life is now needles and pills galore. 10 pills a day to be exact! All because I refuse to let myself think I'm doomed to have a baby by relying in western medicine alone.

 I'm still cautious of too much wishful thinking but that magic man I saw today put a light inside me I havnt felt in years, and I'm just going to go with it. My new mission is try try new things and let go of all my self doubting and self deprecating ways. It's time for change. Tomorrow is my chiropractic appointment and I can only hope it goes so well. 

Products and books I use for my fertility awareness and health.

As I am sitting here researching other peoples blogs, pregnancy and infertility forums and drinking my tea, it dawns on me; whoever is reading this blog may be needing some information on fertility products and I can at least share the information I've gained from my experience. I hope it is helpful.

FertiliTea - fertilitea.com

FertilAid - fertilaid.com

The Fertility Diet - Amazon.com

Wondolfo Ovulation Predictor Tests - Amazon.com

Above are some of the products and books I am integrating into my daily life. Today was my first day taking the FeriliTea and I am supposed to consume 2-3 cups per day until pregnancy has been confirmed. Of course we are way off from that so I am hoping it helps regulate my cycles so my body can get on track hormonally. The tea has some of the same herbs as the multivitamin and is supposed to help regulate my hormones.

The FertilAid multivitamin is essentially a normal multivitamin for preconception with higher values of each vitamin and a few extra ones proven and tested to help regulate cycles, regulate ovulation and hormones as well as cervical mucus. The only negatives I have seen reviewed about either the tea or the vitamin is that for women with regular cycles and regular hormones it actually threw them off. I have been taking the vitamins for 3 months now, which the company states is the desired time frame to start to see results, I didn't track my cycle last month cause I was under a lot of stress from the wedding and then we went on our honeymoon for two weeks.

'The Fertility Diet' by Jorge Chavarro, Walter Willett and Patrick Skerrett is NOT a "diet" book at all. In fact it is very detailed and based on a scientific study called the Nurses Study all based on dietary restrictions or additives to see the affects they cause with women of varying ages and fertility problems. It does outline different strategies to help you on the road to conception with key points on; slow carbs, no trans fats, no sugared beverages, protein and fat from vegetables and nuts, and lessen red meat intake. Although it was a very complex and non-exciting book, it was nonetheless very informational and helpful since I want to do everything in my power, naturally, to conceive.

I have been temping, charting and testing since May 2013. I was told to try Wondolfo OPKs from a few sources. They are very accurate, small, easy to use/read as well as very inexpensive. Once you realize you have to pee on anywhere from 5-20 test strips per month you will be glad you bought those ones. I usually test twice a day; in the morning and in the evening to ensure I do not miss my LH Surge and I continue to test until I get a clear positive result. Then 7-8 days later I get my blood drawn to test my Progesterone levels.

I've also read 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' by Toni Weschler, which I believe is a MUST READ for every women regardless of age or fertility situation. It gives you the no nonsense ins and outs of your reproductive self, health, natural birth control options, natural conception options, fertility tracking, charting, temping, testing and so much more! It seems kind of "anti-western medicine" at first but once you read through the first chapter you realize that's not her goal. If I haven't read that book I would have had no idea how to properly temp or how to check my cervical mucus nor would I have seen so clearly that there was a major hormonal issue brewing.

The only other book not listed or pictured is 'The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Pre-conception Through Birth' by Rachel Pepper. She is hilarious and unscripted in her details of her own journey to becoming pregnant and very informative on everything from just thinking about getting pregnant to where to buy the "goods' and what to expect through pregnancy and birth. Kate and I actually read this book two years ago on a whim. We were day dreamers at that point, but now that we are in the midst of reality I have been re-reading some of it's chapters and finding it helpful all over again. The only negative I find with this book is that it is from 2005, so pricing information is pretty inaccurate.

I hope that the information I've supplied is helpful to those wanting to know how to get helpful information on natural sources of fertility products and to those just wanting to know the details of my daily routines with waiting for my body to be healthy enough to try a go at conception.That's everything I can come up with for today, I think I need to get out of my PJ's and into some real clothes before the wifey gets home from work.

The road to the unknown

This journey we are starting on is already complex, confusing and emotionally draining. I'm not depressed not anxious as I have been in the past but more so ready and impatient to figure out why in the world am I not ovulating and if it really is possible to get my body to ovulate naturally. 

As a young adult I always worried I wouldn't get pregnant. My parents and friends always said "everyone feels that way you'll be fine", but it wasn't my pessimistic ways that told me this, it felt more like intuition. I've always felt I have a sixth sense. Something that just pulls at me and tells me what's ahead. Almost always it's right. I don't believe I won't get pregnant, I just believe that it will take time, patience and money to make it happen. All of which don't come easily and without many sacrifices. 

I have decided to stay unemployed and on unemployment for the duration of fall and winter to allow my body to relax and try very hard to do everything in my own power to regulate my hormones. The difference I see between my story, although just starting and others stories, is, I wish to do this naturally. I want to fix the problem not bypass it.

I've always wanted a natural pregnancy with natural birth, a midwife and my baby born into their own home. I am aware this may not happen, but I will try harder than you could imagine to make it a reality. My life has never been easy, I was not a golden child, my family life was anything but normal or sane and my adult years have been full of disappointment, loss and pain. Until now. 

My wife gives me hope, love, adoration, courage and a reason to fight. I've never had that before, a reason to not just give up. I'm ready to tackle this crazy journey, this god forsaken hell hole we are about to enter. With open arms I welcome the unknowns for hope that our biggest unknown ends up in our arms in the end. 

Here goes nothing...

Welcome to my blog, I sure hope its as entertaining and informational as you are hoping for. I have been reading many blogs about other lesbians and their journeys to become parents lately, and thought it was about time I start to share mine.

A little about myself:
I am a 26 year old female living on the central coast in California, originally from a small town in the central valley. Recently married my beautiful wife Kate on September 6th of this year! We have been together going on 4 years and have been planning on starting a family since we got engaged. She works in the medical field and I am currently laid off and hoping my next job is more fulfilling and includes caring for a child we conceived of together.

I love to write and read poetry and non-fiction books, although I have just found a fiction writer by the name if Sarah Waters who writes Victorian lesbian novels and am enthralled with them. It would be wonderful if I could write for a living and get paid for it, so this is my first shot at seeing how many people are interested in reading what I have to say. Very outspoken, bold and honest is how I would describe myself and my writing style. I seek no ones approval and only wish to have my opinions and the way I wish to live my life respected by others, as I respect theirs.

In August of this year after 4 months of charting my temperatures, cycles, cervical mucus (that's something I never thought of) and blood draws I went to my OB. She declared me "Infertile due to anovulation", anovulation is the lack of ovulation. I have very low progesterone levels; they say 10 is the lowest it can be to get pregnant and stay pregnant, but you should really be around 14 and up. My average is 4. Unbelievable disappointing to say the least. Of course her remedy to this was to put me on Clomid to induce ovulation so we could proceed with insemination. That's a cop out to me.

I want to know Why? Why am I not ovulating? Why is my progesterone so low? Why is this happening at 26 years old? not to mention the What? What can we do to get my progesterone up? What can be done to induce ovulation naturally? Of course today's doctors are not trained to know the answers to those questions off-hand. They send you to someone else who specializes in "infertility", that what they call it even if your not really infertile at all which pisses me off cause it puts a knot in your stomach when you hear it even if you don't believe it.

So I researched and am still researching natural ways to remedy my anovulation and low progesterone. I refuse to just bypass the problem to get a baby. I want to be healthy and to conceive a healthy baby without western medicine pumping through me and our baby. Who really knows the affects those medications could have on our offspring down the road. I would hate to find out that my lack of persistence and patience rendered our child or children physically or mentally ill later on.

I will wrap up my first and lengthly post by giving you a glimpse into our future plans. I have my first consultation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist on October 15th, researching acupuncturists who accept my medical coverage and specialize in fertility treatments, trying to find chiropractors and massage therapists who also are covered by my medical insurance and for my sanity looking into doing yoga a few times a week. Anti-anxiety meds and antidepressants are very helpful, but I want to try to learn to be calm and happy all on my own for the sake of myself, my wife and our future family.